Monday, May 11, 2015

Thank You For Making Me a Mother.....

I've been "journaling" here and there, now and then throughout my life...stuff too private or boring for a blog post. I've also been hanging out on Pinterest quite a bit lately and it seems as if there are several million journaling/writing prompts to choose from. I've randomly picked ones that strike my fancy. Yesterday the one that caught my eye was....

What decision or choice had the biggest impact on your life?

I thought my answer might make a good blog post in honor of Mother's Day. 

What an appropriate question (and answer) for this particular day (that just happens to be Mother’s Day!) Without a doubt or moment’s hesitation, the decision to have children was the choice that had the biggest impact on my life. Matthew, Beth and Emily. For me it was a north pole/south pole life changing event, as showstopping and breathtaking as the demarcation between BC and AD. Before Children. After Delivery.

There were so many unparalleled heights and depths of emotions; doubts, frustrations, anxieties, worries, joys, surprises, dreams, disappointments, fears, discouragements, encouragements, inspiration, annoyances, elation, drudgery and downright life altering delight that entered my life when I became a mother.

“The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat….,” That was the tagline from The Wide World of Sports, a TV show from yesteryear. It applies to mothering just as much as it applies to the guy on skis wiping out. Mothers enjoy victories. Mothers endure defeats. There are times we tumble painfully, head over heels, down Motherhood Mountain. But thank goodness there are times we have reasons to pump our fists in the air…. victorious, proud of our accomplishments and our children.

I’ve known both the agony of defeat and the thrill of victory. I’ve had some pretty big mothering fails….but I’ve had some victorious fist pumping moments too.

When Matthew was born, I was stunned to find out there was a kind of love, a depth of love I never knew existed. before I became a mother. An “I’d die for you,” kind of love that made my comfort, my feelings, my well being secondary to his. And for about 21 months….almost two years….he was the sole recipient of my love.

When I found out I was pregnant with Beth I had this nagging concern that my supply of mommy love was already almost all used up on Matthew. Silly me. I didn't realize until after she was born that motherly love is not a finite thing. It grows exponentially to encompass and include every single child. I loved her just as fiercely and passionately and maternally as I loved Matthew. By the time Emily came along, I knew there would be plenty of love to go around….and indeed there was.

Motherhood changes you. It deepens you. It broadens you. It enlarges your heart in unexpected ways. It awakens your instincts, tries your patience, builds your endurance, and increases your empathy.

Motherhood impacted my life in so many ways .I know more and I love more. I am a better person because I am a mother and the thrills of victory have more than made up for the agonies of defeat. It has all been worth worth it.

A special thank you to Matthew, Beth and Emily for making me a mother....for putting up with my defeats and loving me through it all....