Teenagers and Mimetic Rivalry

This following is a quote from a book about adolescents that annie suggested. It is called, "Parenting Adolescents" by Kevin Huggins.

Although being purposeful is a characteristic people have in common with God, it is important to note that God's plans are always different from people's in one important way: His plans are never blocked. He has sovereign control of everything and needs to depend on no one else to accomplish his purposes. In contrast, all parents and adolescents experience frequent frustration of their plans, because people's plans are characteristically dependent on using others to accomplish their purposes. Parents often have purposes or plans in their hearts that require their adolescents to act or be a certain way for them. Adolescents more times than not have plans in their hearts that won't work unless they can get their parents to respond to them in a certain way. When both approach each other with these kinds of intentions, conflict and resentment are inevitable.

When people have their plans blocked, they will initially respond by strengthening their efforts to make the plans work.

People do not easily give up the plans they have fashioned for themselves. There is something behind these plans that fuels them and makes them in a real sense a matter of life or death to people. In the book of Proverbs that energizing force is referred to as "desires" or "longings"

This excerpt is from one of the introductory chapters of the book. I think it smacks of mimetic rivalry, the "scandal" Girard talks about, thwarted desires, stumbling blocks etc. Girard would take exception with this author concerning the thought that people "fashion for themselves" the plans they have since a foundational belief of his theory is that we "catch" our desires from each other. This author seems to have a grasp on the frustrations of mimetic rivalry. Perhaps that is why adolescence is such a tumultuous time. Parent and child can become embroiled in mimetic rivalry...a cycle where they continue to prevent each other from obtaining the goal/plan. When the teenage years come, with their infamous rebellions etc, the teenager no longer focuses on the parent as the primary model or "near one" and so the desires of parent and teenager may become totally opposite. The parent continues to have the same goals when the adolescent years come, but the teenager may not. They may now be focusing on friends and other influences as the models from which they form their desires. Another name for peer pressure? And thus the clash. Of course, this line of thinking does not take into account the very real love a parent has for their child or the love a child (even a teenager) feels for their parents. It is kind of two dimensional to leave that part out, although I think there is definitely mimesis at play in these relationships. I need to think about this a bit more and try to figure out how this theory affects my own life and my relationship with my teens. All THREE of them!!!! And I thought the toddler years were a challenge.