Old Ponderings about Free Will

I wonder sometimes if perhaps there is something to this total sovereignty thing. While reading on a website yesterday morning, I came across something worded just a bit differently and it put things in a perspective I had not seen before. It was a total, total sovereignty site.......you know, the color of the tie is preordained. In answer to a question about God "making" us sin (or something along those lines) the author said that God does not have to make us sin. Our adamic nature sins naturally. He does not have to force us to sin. We are usually only too happy to comply. According to the teachings of "kingdom theology," there are within each of us two natures. There is the adamic man/ the carnal nature/ the flesh....and there is the christman.....the seed of God...the spirit man...... that is in all of us.

In order for the christ nature to triumph.....to overcome our sinful natures, we must first be made aware of the sins within us (even the hidden sins).....so God allows/causes us to be exposed to situations and circumstances where our sinful nature surfaces and we can see it in the daylight. (the sunlight.....or "son"light) Sometimes what is hidden is buried so deeply within us that we are not even aware that it is there. He has to expose it to us so we can see it for what it is then deal with it. Only a particular set of circumstances arranged in just the "right" way will allow this to happen. I am pondering that if perhaps if he did not arrange these circumstances when he does....exactly as he does (thus nipping this sinful trait in the bud) then it might fester and grow into something that, when, by happenstance, things occurs that brings this particular sinful quality to the surface, it might be far uglier and the consequences far more serious than it would have been if he had rooted it out in it's infancy. (How this fits in with the Hitler's of the world...and how their sins were anything but small and in their infancy I am not sure.)

We are made aware of what is within us when he exposes it (from the dark recesses of our souls) and via this awareness under his ever watchful eye....with his guidance, we can overcome and eliminate it. It must be rooted out of us. We may not even be aware it is there. Vehemently deny that it is there.......as I do when I rail on and on about him making us sin....hardening hearts, sending delusions...as if we are good to begin with and he is making us bad rather than the reality which is....that we are "bad" to begin with.....or at least a combination of good and bad....and that the good must overcome the bad. I hate to say we are bad.....yet we have this sin sickness within us that causes us to do "bad" things. I have been going on the assumption that we are good......and that he forces us to be bad in order to teach us the consequences of being bad.....even though we might have never done that particular "bad" thing to begin with. Is this logical, though?

Having gotten a glimpse of the heart and nature of God, can I not assume that, in his kindness, he arranges circumstances and events that allow us to see the progress we have made as well.....when we can see that we are slowly evolving into the image of christ. We can see what he has taught us both by revelation and by experience. We can see that our christ nature is growing and evolving and the adamic flesh is having less and less of a hold on us and our actions. The goodness of God leads men to repentance. As the pastor at the conference in Berkley Springs said.....He is a GOOD God. His nature is good. His heart is good. He is love. Why would I think that he would cause/use/allow any more evil/hurt/suffering than is absolutely necessary to acheive his purposes.

Still though, how much "freedom" we have remains a big question mark for me...and there is still the hopelessness that comes from thinking everything...everything is predetermined. I am not sure if I am prepared to take the total sovereignty view that some (including....especially....Keith take) although for some reason....as I write this....in the frame of mind I am in today, it is easier to understand and accept. Glimmers of hope and light. Glimmers of acceptance. Keith compares this life to training (training for reigning). There was a guy on the Tentmaker message board a long time ago who used to say that it was like the training of a Navy Seal. Tough, relentless, requiring every bit of our resolve, strength, wisdom and stamina. Yet, can we not drag our feet......can we not put forth less than our best effort? Can there not be a time when there truly are two equally strong influences and we are left with a tie...and we have to choose whether to go with the spirit or the flesh. We would learn from that, would we not? It seems we could learn more from that than if he caused everything, including the thoughts in our heads. Yet, if he does not give us the light we need to see the way we should go, are we not helpless to do good....and are left with only our baser nature to guide us. Oh.......the more I think the more confused it all becomes and I do not know what to think.

In my heart I believe that there is some degree of freedom allowed us otherwise the accountability and responsibility issues just do not make sense. Where he expresses his anger toward Israel...the repurcussion of their sins. How could that be said if he arranges it all....and there is no choice on the part of Isreal to do anything other than what they are doing. The potter and the clay crap. The "because I said so" line of thinking. How does that grow us into sons? My view of him was clearer before Keith taught me his theology. He says if I do not see it there is something missing.....a vital piece I am not seeing yet it leaves me hopeless and feeling helpless. I don't trust the God he proclaims. I think if I draw close to him, he will surely process me....and it will surely hurt. I do not want to hurt. It is truly the abusive parent syndrome. The God he proclaims....the God mainstream Christianity proclaims is an abusive parent. Flying off the handle, overly forgiving one moment......overly critical the next. Always ready to smote.....or soothe. And who knows which he will choose. Flip the coin. That is not a God you cuddle up to. That is a God you hide in the corner from and hope he does not take notice of you!!!!! Because surely if he takes notice of you, you're sunk. Enough musing for one day.......and as always.......I continue to ponder, and search......and hope to find an answer......