Compassion - Loving Detachment? Part 2

So...can loving detachment really be a component of compassion? That doesn't seem quite right but at the same time, might detachment allow for a clearer head and more decisive actions? On the message board I mentioned in my last post, they sometimes urge an overly distraught parent to detach. Try to think of your GFG as someone else's child. Let go of the "oh my god" fear that they will end up in prison or dead from an overdose. Try to let go of the outrage, the "how dare you behave this way after all I've done for you/given up for you/how much I've loved you" attitude. Treat them with respect, kindness, patience, understanding, empathy...the way you might treat a foster child entrusted to your care. Detach. Try not to let your happiness, your well being, your reason for living revolve only around your child. Detach. Nearly impossible when you love them enough to literally die in their place. Nearly impossible when they are in pain and nothing seems to help.

Jesus was able to detach. I was thinking of the rich young ruler who came to Jesus for the key to eternal life. Jesus told him:

Don't murder, don't commit adultery, don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, honor your father and mother."

To which he replied...I have done these things!! Since my youth!

Jesus' reaction, as translated in The Message Bible:

Jesus looked him hard in the eye--and loved him! He said, "There's one thing left: Go sell whatever you own and give it to the poor. All your wealth will then be heavenly wealth. And come follow me.

The rich young ruler was not too keen on this stipulation and he went away with a heavy heart. And Jesus, loving him, let him go. Loving detachment.

And what about the Prodigal Son. The father let his son go off to a faraway land to spend his inheritance. Now there was some serious loving detachment going on there. But in the long run, it was the most loving thing to do.

On an out of the way website, I found the following definition for compassion:

Compassion - Understanding without judgment.

"Without judgment" is the hard part. And sometimes, the compassion Jesus displays is far from detached. He weeps. A wonderful article called Suffering and the Silence of God on The Rebel God web site describes the scene at the tomb of Lazarus:

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.

The Greek word translated in the English as "deeply moved" means to make the snorting noise of a horse. In other words he was so overwhelmed with the sorrow that it literally knocked the wind out of him. It was the kind of pain where you can't catch your breath.

This all culminates in what Jesus does next: two powerful words:

Jesus wept.

I visited the message board this morning before I posted this. Unbelievable circumstances and degrees of mental illness these parents, mostly moms, are living with....dealing with. Compassion abounds on the board. Sometimes loving detachment. More often, though, the gut wrenching "can't catch your breath" pain only a parent of a GFG can fathom.

Compassion - Loving Detachment? Part 1

Things with Beth have improved somewhat. There are still setbacks. There are still mistakes. There are still errors in judgement. Overall, though, I have seen improvement. For one thing, there was a diagnosis. The testing we had done recently definitely indicates that she has ADHD-inattentive. No one suspected...no teacher, no parent, not even the counselor she went to for 9 months last winter. Not even Beth.

The first mention of it was from the crazy psychiatrist we took her to this winter to assess whether or not she was depressed enough to warrant medication. I looked it up, read about it...pondered it but nobody seemed particularly convinced. Not the counselor, not her dad, nor her step mom. Her dad's comment was something along the lines of "oh so is that what they call lazy these days." I think Keith was also quite skeptical. Then one day, in the midst of the past few months from the depths of hell, she and I had a tearful conversation on the way back to the shelter care. Shelter care is sort of juvie light....a detention center for troubled teens. She spent 2 two week stints in shelter care this summer.

After that conversation, I was pretty sure she had ADHD. I did some more reading. I scheduled an evaluation with a neuro psychologist. It took a while to get the insurance to approve the testing, then to schedule the testing...then to get the results of the testing. But finally, I have a 16 page report in my possession with a diagnosis of ADHD-inattentive. And ODD. Oppositional defiant disorder. No big surprise there. I guess ODD is a distinct disorder and can stand alone, but usually doesn't. It usually co-exists with something else. I've read that up to 67% of kids with ADHD also have ODD.

We are pursuing treatment, which is usually drug therapy and behavioral therapy. She started a low dose of Concerta (extended release Ritalin) last week. Except for a few minutes of rapid heartbeat last night, so far, so good.

I have been frequenting a message board for families with kids like Beth. Actually, kids much, much worse than Beth, with all kinds of mental health issues. There are families that are living in a nightmare. Some of the families have more than one GFG. That is the board acronym for "gift from God"...meaning that these kids are sent to us from God for reasons known only to him. Either he entrusts us with them because not everybody can endure the gift and only a certain type of person can face the challenges....or, through the challenges, he wants to make us into that "certain type of person." Perhaps he wants to cultivate qualities in us that might never be formed otherwise. Perseverance and patience come to mind. Hope, in the face of hopeless situations. Courage, trust...and compassion.

Actually, compassion was the point of this post. In a blog I happened upon the other day, a spiritual, Eckhart Tolle type blog, compassion was referred to as loving detachment. Hmmm. Do those two words belong next to each other in a definition? Doesn't compassion involve gut wrenching empathy and total involvement? I'm not so sure. More in my next post.....

Strange Bedfellows...

WHATEVER IS, IS RIGHT! That is a quote from Ray Prinzing. It used to rankle me to no end. Ray was a believer in...and teacher of....total sovereignty, predetermination, predestination...what will be will be. Period, that's it, get used to it and stop whining about it. It's all for a good reason....

God is putting every individual through a process that will merge us into one with Himself. We will become joined to the Lord as one spirit.

Roger Tutt's site, Hope 4 You, has gleanings from about a hundred or so taped messages of Prinzing's (which are no longer available). Roger credits Ray's ministry with not only saving his sanity, but also saving his life.

I've always had a big problem with the total sovereignty view. Every thing in your life from major to trivial has been planned by God before the foundation of the world. In fact, for a few years it tormented me. John Gavazzoni coined a word that fit my struggle. Contrarianism. Simply put, a contrarianism is something that can be argued from two equally valid viewpoints. Thus the tension..thus the torment. I can read Preston Eby's teachings and they make sense...(although they often tick me off, but not as much as they used to) I can also read Gregory Boyd of open theism fame and they make sense too (and I actually like them better)

Once, at a conference, when I heard him preach, John G also said that oftentimes God will at least give us peace from a contrarianism that haunts us, even without providing the answers. I guess that is the phase I am in right now. It has ceased to piss me off.

And actually...I am finding this belief from other very different teachers. Not too long ago, I was watching a short You Tube video of Eckhart and he pretty much parroted (in different terminology) his belief in a pre-ordained plan. He said when evil and suffering occur, our minds cannot understand it. That is because we don't see the whole picture. Then he went on and actually likened it to plucking a teeny section, not much more than a few pigments, from a large painting. It would be incomprehensible in terms of "the big picture." What's this?? We could look it over, turn it over, consider it from every angle and it still would not make sense. That is how he sees evil and suffering. They don't make sense to our egoic minds but they are part of the big picture.

And Byron Katie has coined the phrase, "Loving What Is." In an excerpt from the book of the same name (available online) she says the following:

The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want. If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, “Meow.” Wanting reality to be different than it is is hopeless.

The Work reveals that what you think shouldn't have happened should have happened. It should have happened because it did, and no thinking in the world can change it. This doesn't mean that you condone it or approve of it. It just means that you can see things without resistance and without the confusion of your inner struggle. No one wants their children to get sick, no one wants to be in a car accident; but when these things happen, how can it be helpful to mentally argue with them? We know better than to do that, yet we do it, because we don't know how to stop.

Perhaps her view would be better described as "totally accepting what is."

I am hearing this particular slant from a lot of different sources. Perhaps in my next post I will take a look at the other side of the contrarianism.

Blessing Called Work Part 3

In Part 2 of this series, I posted several paragraphs from Michael Tummillo's book, 8 Things I Hate About Jesus. The following snippet made me stop and think that perhaps I am missing the point....

In the workplace, the homeplace or the schoolplace, the very people that we quite often see as an interruption, an imposition,and an inconvenience are actually our PURPOSE for getting up that day with a pulse.

So, as of now, I am planning on getting up tomorrow morning--Monday morning--in the wee hours. I plan on getting up with a pulse (although it may be a bit faint until my first cup of coffee) So that qualifies me for the "missionary work" God had in mind when he decided on the "who, what, when, where, why and how" of my life. Reminds me of the verse in Ephesians:

2:10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. NIV

or in the Amplified's usual wordy way of saying things:

For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live]. AMP

In other words, I have an opportunity to minister, to spread the love and peace of Christ to the participants at the Safety Committee Meeting scheduled at 8:00, and to the housekeeper who calls to report a leaky faucet, or to the testy office manager whose work area is too hot, or to the echo tech who calls to have a patient transported. Hmmm. I can shoot for "being salt and light to the world in which I participate" but at the very least, given the number of people I interact with in the course of the day, I could surely brighten someone's day. Think I'll give it a try tomorrow.

In A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles Marianne Williamson says:

Every situation we find ourselves in is an opportunity, perfectly planned by the Holy Spirit, to teach love instead of fear.

Two other articles of Michael Tummillo's you might want to check out.... Your Job/Your Ministry and Are You a Workplace Apostle?

A Blessing Called Work Part 2

On Emerging Universalist, Dena posted about her experience at the recent House2House simple church conference she recently attended. In the post, she mentioned Michael Tummillo. The name sounded familiar so, curiosity piqued, I googled him. His website is called "Your Town 4 Jesus". A brief biography and 184 or so of his nearly 900 articles can be found on Ezine Articles. His ministry is described as a "workplace" ministry.

Pastor Michael is a licensed/ordained non-denominational minister and a certified Workplace Chaplain. He has served in ministry since 1993, always while working a secular job, according to the example of Jesus and Paul. Says Michael, "A person with problems at home still has those problems at work. We need to be there for them at the one place where they spend the majority of their time...the workplace."

One of the first things I came across was a link to an e-book he's written called 8 Things I Hate About Jesus. Interesting book, quick read. Reminded me a bit of Phillip Yancey's Book, The Jesus I Never Knew. One particular portion jumped out at me...

Consider this: there you are, a real-life Spirit-being, all decked out in your birthday suit…an earth suit actually, divinely crafted as to allow you to blend in. You don your "camo" just as any American soldier will at the start of every day. Thing is,your camo may be a nurse’s scrubs or a fancy Italian business suit. You might put on a hard hat or the uniform of a civil servant. Truth is, however we camouflage our-selves, wherever God may have assigned us, our mission is the same: share the Fatherhood of God to the brotherhood of man.

We are here to advance God’s Kingdom by embracing and sharing the Cause of Christ. Prayerfully, as we press on into enemy territory, we must seek out Divine Appointments, always keenly watching out for that “person of peace" with whom we can either share the mission or work together to share the Word, ever on the lookout for those weary souls to whom we can speak a word of encouragement in due season.

When you think of missionaries, I know what you think of: Those determined souls who drop everything and head into the bush to live in grass huts as they attempt to plant churches among the indigenous peoples.

Well, doesn’t that describe YOU, too? After all, as one in whom the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead has made His abode, you are, quite literally, the Second Coming of Christ every time you come on the scene, anywhere in the world. In the workplace, the homeplace or the schoolplace, the very people that we quite often see as an interruption, and imposition,and an inconvenience are actually our PURPOSE for getting up that day with a pulse.

Do you believe that? Certainly God didn’t have in mind for you to simply get a job – any ol’ job – so that you can pay a mortgage or buy new hub caps, y’think? That message won’t play in…let’s say, Pakistan, where Christians are free from the burden of buying stuff.

So, here’s your mission, if you choose to accept it: go and be salt and light to the world in which you participate. Love the next person that God places in front of you…at work, at school, in the dorm, even at home. You are to be Christ Jesus with skin on, as it were. Every one of us is a minister in a Kingdom of Priests and Kings.

Wow...More in my next post....

A Blessing Called Work...Part 1

I don't hate my job.  At least most days, anyway.  I am the poster girl for the cliche, "jack of all trades, master of none." My job duties encompass providing most of the secretarial support for the Maintenance Department, all the secretarial support for the Biomed Department--assorted secretarial support for many other departments under the "integrated service" umbrella.  In addition to that, I am a CSR; an internal customer service rep. 

That is my main job and it entails answering the helpline phone, routing calls and dispatching the appropriate personnel for quite a few services within the 3 hospital health system.  Need a toilet unclogged, call the helpline.  Need a patient moved?  Call the helpline.  Need a package/specimen/piece of equipment taken to another location?  Call the helpline and I will dispatch the appropriate courier.  Need a vital piece of medical equipment repaired NOW?  Call the helpline.  Need one of the automated, computerized robots called TUG to pick up the trash or linen?  Call the helpline.  Have a question, concern, complaint?  Call the helpline.  Need to book a meeting room?  Call the helpline.  Need to talk to a manager?  Well, dang...call the helpline.  (Aren't you getting it yet?) 

My phone rings constantly.  I stare into a computer screen all day, utilizing a myriad number of programs needed to log and track and send and organize all this activity.  There are 4 other CSR's that I have to stay in touch with--all in different physical locations--via phone, nextel direct connect and especially via email.  I answer to about 5 bosses.  My "real" boss (the one who does my evaluations, determines my schedule--the one who has the most say so and to whom I officially report) is not the boss I spend the most time with.  That boss is the head of the Biomedical Engineering Department.  His office adjoins mine.  I interact with him every day, all day.  I attend meetings with him (because a big part of my job is to take minutes for assorted long, wordy meetings and write reports to summarize.)  We have become friends.  He has been a source of great inspiration and encouragement during this (ongoing) Beth ordeal.  He shares with me some of the concerns he has in his life as well...and the issues that come up with two sons...one 13 and the other one about 10 or so.  I would like to publicly thank him (even though he does not read my blog...nor do I want him to) for his support and for being a great boss.  I want to thank God for depositing me in the office next to him.  It has been a blessing. 

And you know, this post has really gotten too long to write about what I started out to write about!!!  So another series is birthed!!!  More in my next post.....

Surprise Visit....

Matt decided to come home for the Labor Day Weekend. His plans were to stay at school...but 3 days off and the fact that all of his Williamsport friends who are going to IUP were coming home changed his mind. His "secondary" plans were to surprise me by showing up at my house and telling me he could not cut school and that he had dropped out. Plans foiled...his dad had already clued me in. His dad had plans to be out of town for the weekend so I had Matt all to myself. Well, I should say I got what was left over after he hung out with his friends. I was fine with that.

It was SO good to see him!!

annie warned me that it might be hard to let him go again...sort of like last week all over again...but it really wasn't too bad...unless I listen to the following Ray Boltz song. I said the obligatory, "Drive carefully...you know it's Labor Day and there are all kinds of idiots out and about...blah, blah, blah" He hugged me and off he went. So grown up....but still my baby. If I just don't listen to the Ray Boltz song, I'll be okay :) I don't know Caitlyn Rae...but it is a heartwarming video. It is also the only video featuring this song on both God Tube and You Tube.