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In my inbox on Christmas Day, I found an invitation to join an online group called the Arbinger Community - a path to peace both individually and globally. It was sent via a yahoo group called Lifestream Journey. I was intrigued enough to visit the Community's website. I joined...and poked around for a while.
The Community mainly revolves around the discussion and philosophy of two books put out by the Arbinger Institute.
Leadership and Self Deception: Getting Out of the Box
My "welcome to the group" message included the following description of the books:
They are stories, really, short novels, if you will, where a main character (or many) are gradually introduced to the Arbinger philosophy and "language" for describing the root of conflict, and are given tools to change their skewed "Way of Being."
An excerpt from both books is available at the Arbinger home page. I read the first chapter of The Anatomy of Peace...and I was intrigued by the storyline. The book is about two men..an Arab Israeli and and a Jewish Israeli, both men lost their father in the Yom Kippur War of 1973. Somehow these two devout enemies managed to find their way to peace and friendship.
They operate a wilderness program for troubled teens called Camp Moriah. The excerpt describes the arrival of the families in conflict and begins to hint at some of the issues and areas of "violence" between the parents and the teen..and between the parents themselves. I definitely felt a kinship with the parents because of what my family has been through the past several years with our troubled teen. In fact, we even looked into wilderness programs when we were in desperation phase.
Somewhere else in my cyber journey yesterday, I came across some quotes from the book. I will post them below. They seem to fit in with my focus of late on peacekeeping. I may order the book this weekend.
"Most wars between individuals are of the 'cold' rather than the 'hot' variety---lingering resentment, for example, grudges long held, resources clutched rather than shared, help not offered. These are the acts of war that most threaten our homes and workplaces."
"But like many who are lonely, I was more preoccupied with others than were those who lived to socialize...Everyone I hated was always with me, even when I was alone. They had to be, for I had to remember what and why I hated in order to remind myself to stay away from them."
"As painful as it is to receive contempt from another, it is more debilitating by far to be filled with contempt for another."
"So if we are going to find lasting solutions to difficult conflicts or external wars we find ourselves in, we first need to find our way out of the internal wars that are poisoning our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes toward others. If we can't put an end to the violence within us, there is no hope for putting an end to the violence without."
"In every moment...we choose to see others either as people like ourselves or as objects. They either count like we do or they don't."
"There is a question I have learned to ask myself when I am feeling bothered about others: am I holding myself to the same standard I am demanding of them?"
"...no conflict can be solved so long as all parties are convinced they are right. Solution is possible only when at least one party begins to consider how he might be wrong."
2 comments:
The Anatomy of Peace was really good. I like the story. It's compelling, and I think it's cool how the ideas of the book are communicated through story, rather than just stated. I haven't read Leadership and Self Deception, but I'd like to. I don't know if you read or know anyone who reads large print books, but I know both these books are available in large print at http://www.readhowyouwant.com/MainPage.aspx. That's where I first found them, and it's a pretty great site for these things.
Hi, Lavinia..
Thanks for your comment. I haven't read either of the books yet...and it was only by happenstance that I came across them.
I am particularly interested in The Anatomy of Peace because, like I said, we've had a troubled teen to deal with for the past two years. We even considered wilderness programs during the thick of it. Things are going better now, but I think I might glean even more insights from the book because the situation in the book so closely matches my real life experiences.
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