Now go do the right thing....

OMG...Somebody please tell me I didn't just use one of Dr. Laura's catch phrases as the title to this post. I did, didn't I? 

As my friend Dena might say, EW, YUCK....Dog germs.....

I started this post last night...and this morning during my blissful, quiet, "even though my mind is going a thousand miles an hour" early morning web carousing, I was thinking about this post and Dr. Laura's quote came to mind. 

Now go do the right thing....

It occurs to me that sometimes we don't know the right thing to do because our "ears" are not attuned enough to our inner guidance system (the Christ in you, the hope of Glory) to hear.  The answers are within us, but sometimes we need to read them or hear them or see them with our physical senses...before the spiritual kicks into gear, gives us a high five and we know what we've read is truth.  It is that quickening thing. 

So yesterday I was click, click,clicking my mouse, merrily following links like clues in a treasure hunt. Who knows where you will end up when you embark upon a treasure hunt.  Well, I ended up at the Principle Driven Consulting Website.  It is the website of Guy Harrison, a recovering engineer.  I'm not sure what the recovering stuff is all about but for an overview of his insightful writings/services/views check out his  Lenses on Squiddo.  Although his official website has a slant toward business management, many of the writings offer advice that fits very well within the context of family and interpersonal relationships.  In fact, he has several "lenses" devoted to advice concerning family relationships and parenting.

One of his articles that I found really interesting dealt with listening.  We all think we do...listen....but most of us don't really.  Our minds are a hundred miles away.  We are oft times figuring out what our witty reply is going to be...or we may be going through a mental list of things we have to do today while we pretend to be paying attention.  Not surprisingly those are both no-no's when it comes to listening. 

Way back in May of 2006, Harrison wrote a short article called, "Listen More, Speak Less."  He lists and explains the following five principles

1. Listen to understand, not to respond

2. Be quiet

3. Let them finish their thoughts

4. Maintain eye contact

5. Ask questions to ensure that you understand

Check out the article for details about each of these points.

Two other articles that I want to mention deal with conflict resolution.  Along with just about everyone else who is breathing, there are pockets of conflict in my life...some more intense than others. I would like to learn how to respond in a way that de-escalates the conflict...rather than in a way that pours gasoline on an already roaring flame.  How To Keep Your Cool During a Conflict is a Squiddo Lense that offers suggestions on how to do just that...de-escalate. 

About halfway down this page there is short writing called How to Give A SOLID Response. I am copying and pasting part of it below

Stop
Stop everything. Do not say or do anything. Resist the urge to speak. Stop your internal dialogue that immediately labels the other person as "wrong."

Observe
What is the other person saying with their body language? What is their tone? Are they angry or are they hurt?

Listen
Listen carefully to their words. What is their intended meaning? Does what they say have merit? What is their perception? Even if you disagree with their interpretation of events, you will need to understand it before you respond.

Interpret
Evaluate what you have learned from Stopping, Observing, and Listening. Make a thoughtful interpretation of their intended meaning. Give yourself the time to think about what you will say or do next.

Deliver
Deliver your response. To resolve a conflict, they also need to know what you are thinking. Hopefully your conscious effort to listen to them before you speak will do two things: give you time to think clearly and show that you care about their concerns.

Another writing that I thought might help... is called  Seven Ways to Improve Your Communication During a Conflict. Among the points made in this article

1. Focus on behaviors and not on your interpretations

2. Avoid the use of “always” and “never”

3. Use “I” statements

4. Say what you want rather than what you don’t want

5. Beware of your non-verbal messages

6. Apologize for your contribution

7. Give them a chance to speak

If we stopped to ponder it, we could probably figure out most of these principals. but the author gives us this foolproof, bulleted list and offers his unique perspective in an interesting, engaging way. There are  a lot of other resources available on his site and on Squiddo that in a very clear, practical way just might help to start the leavening process that might someday lead to world peace.....